Hidden Jewels

Today was an amazing day in many respects...without a doubt extraordinarily busy, but deeply rewarding.

I spent a great part of my day with Rita*a birth mother that worked with A Chosen Child several years ago. She placed her baby girl for adoption at birth, and has stayed in touch with us ever since. Her baby girl is almost four years old and Rita comes by often to pick up pictures and correspondence and to chat with everyone at A Chosen Child. Rita manages to keep her head above water, and while her life is by no means idyllic, she has a safe place to live and food to eat. She keeps and values the few people she allows into her life who she considers friends as she struggles day to day to keep her life on track. Her birthday is in August each year, and every July, she calls to find out if we will be going out to lunch and getting her a birthday cake, and every year, we do. Of the many things that Rita talks about when we see her, is her sense of accomplishment regarding her adoption almost four years ago. It is one of her life experiences that she takes pride in -- because she made the decision she felt was best for her child and everytime she looks at the pictures she receives from the adoptive family, she realizes that it was the right choice. You see, Rita is schizophrenic and requires a lot of medical supervision and mental health care. Every day is a struggle for her, and the decision to place her baby for adoption was the hardest decision she ever had to make. Yet, years later, she stands tall and proud as she shows her friends the latest pictures of her baby girl, who is not much of a baby anymore. As she picks out the similarities in their features, the length of their hair and the way they both smile with their eyes, each photograph helps Rita understands that in the midst of her illness and life's circumstances, she has accomplished a feat bigger than herself.

Rita is a jewel. She comes from a deep corner of the earth, where the sun fails to shine and the pressure is unrelenting and unforgiving -- like most precious gems, she comes from a place of darkness and moisture and dirt. Most of us will walk over those places where jewels are born, without taking the time to glance at what hides beneath the rock, beneath the soil, encrusted in those deep and dark places, covered by moss. And yet, there they are - hidden jewels - undiscovered until someone sees a sparkle of sorts and reaches in to see what's there. Once discovered, they shimmer and shine as the light hits them - multi-faceted and glorious, unaware of their own value, for like most precious gems, their beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For the holder of the gem, viewing the play of light and movement brings a new perspective and awe. One step in another direction, and we would have missed it entirely. But if we are really lucky, we will find one and then another, and another still.

Rita and I had lunch at a local restaurant and then went back to the office to pick up the birthday cake that the staff at A Chosen Child has lovingly purchased for her. She, of course, exclaims in delight that it is the most beautiful cake she has ever seen! She gives me a big hug and tells me that she is my friend and she loves me. For a moment, I am blinded by the radiance and sparkle she gives off - I realize that I have within reach a priceless gem, and feel incredibly blessed as I hug her back. She gives me a dazzling smile and is gone out the door until next time.

That is, of course, typical Rita -- she is a jewel.

Blessings and blessings,

M

*Name has been changed for confidentiality

Wishing on a Star...

"The mother, heavy with child, gazed up into the sky, just in time to catch a falling star. She closed her eyes and wished that child a better life than she herself could give. The same star prompted another wish, this time from a couple that had hoped, dreamed and now wished for a child such as hers. Thank you for making wishes come true.

This handmade drawing from one of our birth mothers is framed and hangs on a wall at A Chosen Child as a constant reminder to each of us about the nature of the work we do and those we serve each day and that all of it -- each step on that long road home -- begins with a wish.
The wish of a parent with empty arms, the wish that things might be different, the wish of a life without the large spectre of infertility looming over every aspect of every day... ...the wish for a child to love. Then we have the wish of a pregnant mother in distress, wishing for a solution, a wish sometimes laden with fear, loneliness and desperation. A wish for different circumstances, a committed partner, a better job, a wish for a safe place to live where a baby that is loved could thrive and grow... ...a better life for her child. And so, a bittersweet journey begins that will fulfill each wish in very particular ways.
On Wednesday, a family working with A Chosen Child was selected for placement by the birth parents - a frequent occurrence at our office, but somehow, this situation uniquely embodied the fulfillment of a wish. These birth parents are married and are facing challenges that go beyond anything we know and they seem committed to finding the perfect home for their baby. They had the opportunity to view a profile of a family that has been waiting quite a while and they both told us that they knew that this family was "the one" the minute they looked at their pictures and read their letter. The birth parents were so moved by them that they had tears in their eyes and they wanted the family to know that they would be honored to have them adopt their child. Words cannot express the profound impact of this moment, and we never cease to be astonished as the birth parents and adoptive family come together in a catclysm of light, faith, love, hope, respect and commitment.
In my mind's eye, I can see every adoptive parent, whose wishes are born of hope and faith, and hearts so large and accomodating that extend loving arms towards the child of another to love and raise as their own. It is a wish filled with possiblities, excitement and longing. For the birth parents, I see faces turned up to the night sky, seeking more than they can give for the child they carry -- a loving, stable home with all the things they would give if they could. These wishes are filled with sacrifice, grace and dignity.
For both, something tells them to send those wishes upward...up, up and up, until they reach that place where two special wishes and one star meet and its nothing short of a miracle and we are so blessed to be a part of it each day.
In the amazing world of adoption, and for those that navigate within it, wishing on a star within the infinite sky is just the thing to do.

Blessings and blessings.
M

A Fine Line

Last week I read a post by an angry birth mother, who after having placed her child a number of years ago, feels betrayed by the process that helped her bring her adoption plan to fruition. In lashing out, she asked "if adoption is so great, why didn't you place your children for adoption?" I suppose that I could have dismissed her question as rhetorical, but then I realized that it is a really good question and it prompted some introspection about why some mothers have to face this difficult issue and others do not. The simple answer to her question is that my pregnancies where planned and I was as prepared as I could be to parent my baby. I was employed, had my own place, was fortunate to have great medical coverage, and my husband and I agreed that it was time for a baby in our lives. Not much different from thousands and thousands of women who make that very same decision pretty much every day all over the world. But life is not always that simple.
So, what about those mothers that discover they are pregnant and must then face one of the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make in their lives -- having to consider an adoption plan for the child they carry. Of one thing I am certain, we are more similar than we are different in many ways: we are all capable of becoming pregnant; once pregnant, we choose to give life to our babies, and most of all, we love them enough to want the very best for them. This goal is shared by all of us, but the paths we take to accomplish it are as varied as the stars in the sky.
We at A Chosen Child have often thought about how life's circumstances have placed some mothers in the difficult postion of having to contemplate such a decision as placing a child for adoption, and yet spared me and others from such a sacrifice. What event in each of our lives determined the twists and turns we were to take to bring us to the crossroads of parenting or adoption? Regardless of the path that is ultimately taken, we all still share our love for our children; we desire the best possible life for them; we compile and keep photographs; we are acutely aware of each milestone - first tooth, first step, first day of school, first date; each birthday; we wonder if they are going to be the caring, compassionate and productive adults we want them to become, and whether their dreams are coming true. "There but for the grace of God go I." To that birth mother that thinks we don't care about or understand the depth of her sacrifice, she couldn't be more mistaken. It is a fine line that separates you and I - and I never forget that a single change, one different turn, one decision - could have very well placed me among the women that must pick up the phone and make that call that will start the adoption process. I am thankful that my life's circumstances allowed me the privilege to parent my children - and I don't take that blessing lightly or ever forget the fine line between us.
Blessings and blessings.
M

The Heart of the Matter

Working primarily with birth mothers at A Chosen Child is life-changing, exilarating, demanding, exhausting, bittersweet, empowering, sometimes thankless, but mostly gratifying and always a blessing.

I think back over the past 22 years, the first ten years in New York and the last twelve in Florida, and wonder if any of my birth mothers realize how much they have been loved for that brief period of time that they are entrusted to our care, and how vested we are in hoping that their futures are brighter and better. Every single one of these women in crisis has left a mark on our soul, collectively and individually, one way or another. Every birth mother, regardless of her station in life, whether she is a teen-ager or adult, a professional woman, an inmate, a drug-addict, a student, an alcoholic, a mother of other children, a victim of rape, or a victim of her own lapse in judgment -- deeply etches into our hearts and impacts our lives in very special ways. I look at the wall in my office at A Chosen Child, with its collection of snapshots portraying the best and worst moment of their lives all rolled into one, when they placed their babies for adoption, and did so with strength and dignity. Some of these precious ladies smile and some do not, but in all, their eyes betray what their words will not - that they will never be the same. This is the moment that we arrive at the heart of the matter. That moment when their hearts are breaking and they still stand tall and stand strong, when they make themselves accountable for their decisions and their choices, and put their baby's best interest before their own. This is the pinnacle of selflessness, a moment of true parenthood - when they make a tremendous sacrifice for the benefit of their child, showing true courage and dignity during the most adverse of situations.

For these women, as time passes, the adoption will be what they make of it. For some, it may be a point of no return. For many, it will be the source of renewed motivation and focus; they will find solace, validation and comfort in every letter and every picture they receive; and will place their hearts in every letter and every gift they send; they will cultivate their best qualities in preparation for the future - with hope for reunification - pride in what they have achieved, in the person they become so they can face their birth child with confidence someday. I commend each and every one of you. You are loved.

Blessings and blessings

M

Family pets love adoption!!!!!

We received this picture today and I just couldn't resist! Not only does A Chosen Child find stable and loving homes for children, fulfill the dreams of parents who desire the addition of a special child into their homes and hearts, it turns out that we also provide "baby fixes" for family pets too.
This is a picture of a recent A Chosen Child adoptive placement, and it brought a smile to my face as soon as I saw it. Talk about a baby being loved on!
It reminded me, once again, about the awesome power of love. Being a "pet person" myself, as well as being a "baby person", this picture brought to mind thoughts of unconditional acceptance, commitment and trust, which are some of the characteristics, among others, that make up the foundation of adoption. It dosen't matter where you come from or where you've been, whether you are covered in fur, or partially hairless, differences cease to exist -- you are here now, you are loved, and that's all that matters. Look closely at the picture, the message is right there.
At A Chosen Child, we joyfully celebrate all the differences, the colors and the origins as we embrace trust, devotion, commitment, unconditional acceptance and love for every baby and every family that walks through our doors. Because that is the spirit of adoption.
Blessings and blessings.
M