A Fine Line

Last week I read a post by an angry birth mother, who after having placed her child a number of years ago, feels betrayed by the process that helped her bring her adoption plan to fruition. In lashing out, she asked "if adoption is so great, why didn't you place your children for adoption?" I suppose that I could have dismissed her question as rhetorical, but then I realized that it is a really good question and it prompted some introspection about why some mothers have to face this difficult issue and others do not. The simple answer to her question is that my pregnancies where planned and I was as prepared as I could be to parent my baby. I was employed, had my own place, was fortunate to have great medical coverage, and my husband and I agreed that it was time for a baby in our lives. Not much different from thousands and thousands of women who make that very same decision pretty much every day all over the world. But life is not always that simple.
So, what about those mothers that discover they are pregnant and must then face one of the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make in their lives -- having to consider an adoption plan for the child they carry. Of one thing I am certain, we are more similar than we are different in many ways: we are all capable of becoming pregnant; once pregnant, we choose to give life to our babies, and most of all, we love them enough to want the very best for them. This goal is shared by all of us, but the paths we take to accomplish it are as varied as the stars in the sky.
We at A Chosen Child have often thought about how life's circumstances have placed some mothers in the difficult postion of having to contemplate such a decision as placing a child for adoption, and yet spared me and others from such a sacrifice. What event in each of our lives determined the twists and turns we were to take to bring us to the crossroads of parenting or adoption? Regardless of the path that is ultimately taken, we all still share our love for our children; we desire the best possible life for them; we compile and keep photographs; we are acutely aware of each milestone - first tooth, first step, first day of school, first date; each birthday; we wonder if they are going to be the caring, compassionate and productive adults we want them to become, and whether their dreams are coming true. "There but for the grace of God go I." To that birth mother that thinks we don't care about or understand the depth of her sacrifice, she couldn't be more mistaken. It is a fine line that separates you and I - and I never forget that a single change, one different turn, one decision - could have very well placed me among the women that must pick up the phone and make that call that will start the adoption process. I am thankful that my life's circumstances allowed me the privilege to parent my children - and I don't take that blessing lightly or ever forget the fine line between us.
Blessings and blessings.
M